But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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