Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
