i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
handjob tips. give me some.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
