she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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