There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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