I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
