Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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