my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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