oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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