how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
