Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
