I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
