I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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