i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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