38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
