Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
