I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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