this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
