Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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