Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
