If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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