Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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