it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
