my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
