I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
