You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
