I'm sorry my penis didn't work
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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