Apparently you make a good broom.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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