just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
