Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
