GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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