I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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