this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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