puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
