You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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