Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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