the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
