Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
