just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
