he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
