She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
