Do you still have your period?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
