What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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