so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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