I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
