so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
