As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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