dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
What did we do last night that was yellow?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
