she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
