So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
