Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
