i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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