Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
