someone owes me an orgasm
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
