I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
