It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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