How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
