Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
