Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i think i just lost a toe
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
