Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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