I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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