Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
