I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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