I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
