Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
