he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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