Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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