Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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