the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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