it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
