Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
