My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
