I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he fucked my hip out of place.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
