I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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