i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
