Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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